A Look At My Girl...Through The Lens

Being a mom is hard. Since I started my journey in the photography business I've had to make some hard choices. Most of those involve time. And the hardest is the time it takes away from my family. I work a "real" full time job in addition to this gig and that poses some scheduling challenges. Mainly because most of my sessions are on weekends or weekday evenings. Those just happen to coincide with the time I previously spent with my kids. That's hard. 

More complicated, my 15 year old has played on a traveling softball team this year. So she had tournaments most weekends and between her schedule and mine we haven't really had much 1:1 time for each other. I miss her. So last weekend we loaded up in the car and I focused 100% of my attention on her. No little kids asking for drinks or snacks or mommy. Just me and my girl playing the adult equivalent of dress up. She wants to be a photographer when she grows up. That makes my heart soar. She shares my love for photography and looking at life through the lens. A few minor adjustments and everything can be made perfect forever with the click of a button. It's magical. 

But in real life things are hard. Like watching your little girl learn to drive. And knowing that at some point you will have to give her safekeeping and protection over to God because you can't be with her at every intersection of life.

And watching her learn to navigate the muddy waters of relationships. Relationships with friends, boys, family members, teammates. Watching her make difficult choices that you believe aren't always best but sometimes surprise you with just how wise they actually were.

She's excited about growing up. Driving. Going away to college. She has dreams of living in California. Some of her dreams break my heart. And I can't help but hope they change or land her a little closer to home.

But her spirit amazes me. Her determination astounds me. Her athletic ability...well let's just say...I have none so I marvel at her talent. Her love for rap music drives me insane. And her wit never fails to surprise me. So many times I wish I had been more like her when I was her age.

My girl doesn't judge herself by how many boys like her. Not by the number of friends in her life. She doesn't have Facebook. She doesn't care. She's quick to remove herself from drama and even speaks up when she believes adults are behaving in a way that seems catty or backbiting.

She's beautiful. But she doesn't care if she goes out in public with her hair unbrushed and frizzy. She wears eyeliner and mascara but bothers with nothing else. She prefers jeans and tee shirts but can carry a sweet sundress better than most with her tall, thin, athletic build. And she was just as proud of those turquoise nails and Miss Me Jeans as any other 15 year old girl would be. She's an enigma.

My days with her living under my roof are numbered. When she closes the door on her days as the oldest in our house, the role model, the big sister...my two little ones will be heartbroken and I will be lost but this day...just the two of us...laughing, playing, joking, and making memories will remain forever captured by these images. As will our shared love for the lens.